Robin Anklesbane Akers

O beastly brutes with mouthes a-drooling

Just who is it you think you're fooling?

With baleful eyes and tails a-wagging

You're man's best friend? Oh, quit the bragging.

So what, you like to bring back stuff?

Or guard the house -- you think you're tough.

But though you are so widely feared,

It's cats, you see, who are revered.

We have the looks and regal bearing,

Bon vivance and savoir-fairing.

We're sleek and stylish masterpieces,

Classic lines and silky fleeces.

Our voices like an angel's chorus

So why is it that you abhor us?

C'mon canine, why don't you tell us?

I just think you're simply jealous.

For all the world is surely smitten

Yes, with each and every kitten.

But of these cats, there's one to reign

That's me -- I am Sir Anklesbane!

I wrote this on 3 April 1998! Yes, I did!

It is vitally important to dominate all monsters!
If you haven't yet established the proper relationship with the humans who cohabit your territory, carefully study...
The Bad Kitty Page!

Yet, there's no harm in being helpful when it suits you.
Like my Daddy says:

A curious discovery this morning. A door left ajar. Inside the room with the door left ajar there resides on a window sill several pots. Within these small pots are myriad little embriotic leafy things, and many of these are now quite noticeably squooshed. About half the pots have curious indentations -- these being somewhere between an inch or two wide, and these indentations appear to be divided into sub-indentations with one larger and three smaller little areas of squooshment. All very curious!

One of my family members seemed unduly proud of himself this morning. Looking for some telltale signs to explain his sudden smugness, I checked through the house and found no deceased rodentia, no expired aves -- no indication whatsoever of his considerable hunting prowess. Then it dawned on me. Well, of course!

Every year when I sow my seeds I receive much expert supervision (especially when the packets of seeds rattle so alluringly), and after the seeds are sown, they receive their customary patting -- a little firming in by me, with a final flourish by my little supervisor. It's his job, and he takes it very seriously. A little too seriously, perhaps? I suppose I could have told him that this was only necessary at sowing time and not after the seeds were up, but I can hardly fault him. After all -- he was just doing his job!

Perhaps the humans you own will favor you with a poem like this one!

Ode to Spot

Felis Cattus, is your taxonomic nomenclature,

an endothermic quadruped carnivorous by nature?

Your visual, olfactory and auditory senses

contribute to your hunting skills, and natural defenses.

I find myself intrigued by your subvocal oscillations,

a singular development of cat communications

that obviates your basic hedonistic predilection

for a rhythmic stroking of your fur, to demonstrate affection.

A tail is quite essential for your acrobatic talents;

you would not be so agile if you lacked its counterbalance.

And when not being utilized to aide in locomotion,

it often serves to illustrate the state of your emotion.

O Spot, the complex levels of behaviour you display

connote a fairly well-developed cognitive array.

And though you are not sentient, Spot, and do not comprehend,

I nonetheless consider you a true and valued friend.

by Lt. Commander Data

Here is a Latin story written about me on 24 July 1996.
Do you have a Latin story written about you?
Dies Natalis Robini

Hodie est dies natalis feles mea. 3 annos natus est quod natus in 1993 est. Nomen felis est Robin Anklesbane Akers. Nomen Anklesbane est propter pedi mordere amat. Robin est magnus. Vivit domi; dominus domi est. Corpus caputque superiora sunt cum lineis (fulva nigraque); corpus caputque inferiora sunt alba.

Robin multi avocamenta habet. Lavari amat. Eum juvat muscas venari, saltando valde alte. Amat persequi crepundia jacta, quae in faucibus revehit. De manus matris bibere amat. Quacumque janua aperit, foris provolat, ubi vult gramen edere et inimicis eius absterre. In patre aut in matre insidere amat. Pater eius "Catulus" eum appellat, quasi canis sit. Mater eius, ego, autem eum "Little Boo" appello.

It's unfortunate for you if you don't read Latin.
Perhaps someday I will post an English version for those without Latin.
Back to the rest of the family!
Last Updated 2 July 2003